Hi folks! You might notice that this post is written from an anonymous account — that’s because someone we know and trust within the community asked us to keep her identity private for the sake of her family and friends. Thanks for understanding! — Gillian and the Sewcialists Team
Hi there everyone!
When Gillian brought up the idea of writing about how sewing intersects with our identity, I was both intrigued and hesitant. Intrigued because everyone has a story, and I love hearing them. Hesitant, because I too have a story (boy, do I have a story), but it’s personal. I talked with Gillian, and we decided it’s a story worth telling.
I’m 36 years old, and I was raised in a cult.
I should point out here that my parents are amazing people. They were raised in the same environment (except more so), and were simply doing what they had been taught was right. I’d rather not get into the specifics of which cult it was, etc.; it’s not very fun to talk about, and most of the lay members of it are really sweet, nice people. But, we were taught that women were to be covered lest they tempt the men. Women have no executive power. We were taught an extreme form of obedience to centralized authority. Our entire social structure was built around church. We were taught that leaving the cult meant that we were under the control of evil powers, and that, should we be so foolish as to leave, we would never, EVER, be happy.
I escaped with my husband and sons last summer. It was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done.
It turned out, though, that leaving physically was a lot easier than leaving mentally. I was terrified. I felt (even though rationally I knew better) like I was going to turn into a monster. Would I still love my husband? Would I go around hurting people? Would I be a liar? Was I ever going to feel happy or spiritual again? I got over the first few fairly quickly — my husband is amazing and adorable, and it turns out I’m not a liar or a monster. But the mental and emotional trauma involved in escaping that kind of situation is not trivial, and it was a long time before I stopped crying. Even longer before the nightmares stopped. And even then, there was a lingering numbness in my soul. I’d had very few friends before I escaped. Afterwards, nearly everyone I knew knew me as Me the Apostate or Me the Ex-Cult-Member. Sometimes I wear those labels with pride, but sometimes they get very, very heavy. I was starting to feel like I’d never get away from them. Maybe the church had damaged me so badly that I’d never be more than okay again.
Here’s where sewing comes in. (I know you were wondering when we’d get there!) I teach garment sewing classes at a local fabric store. I started noticing that I felt better after classes. It took me a while to figure out why, but eventually I realized that none of my students knew me from anywhere other than class. They didn’t expect an Apostate, or an Ex. They expected nothing more from me than competence in sewing and teaching.
My students turned into my mirror. Every skill learned meant that I was good at my job. Every smile meant that I was being kind. Every hug at the end of a class meant that they felt good and safe around me. Every request to know when my next class was meant that they were comfortable learning from me. And every repeat student turned into another affirmation that I WAS good, that I WASN’T evil, and that maybe, just maybe, I could start to see myself as just me again. While I was teaching, it became possible to forget the other labels.
It’s been over a year. I have more friends now than I ever did — people who are still in my old church for various reasons, a lot of fellow apostates, and a TON of sewists, both online and in real life. When I look at myself in my bedroom mirror, I see happy eyes more often than I see the haunted ones. (More often than not this summer, happy eyes over a sleeveless shirt and a pair of Maritime Shorts, because take that, patriarchy!) When I look at my student mirror, I see a woman that is confident, competent, approachable, and fun to be around.
Rationally, I knew that everything was going to be okay. But it was the sewing community that made me feel it. Thanks everyone. I owe you.
Love,
Me
Good vibes I send to you and your family xxxxx was just talking today with a friend about the wonderful feeling sewers get and give to each other. In her case the only westerner to get off the train at the garment district in Tokyo feelin herself among friends as all had creativity in mind and could share regardless of lack of language.
Your story touches my heart, thank you so much for sharing it. <3
What a beautifully brave and moving story. I hope you continue to heal into yourself.
Very moving and inspirational story, thank you for telling it 😊
Wow! Amazing story! I’m so glad you were able to find a great community that supports you – even if they don’t realize just how much. Your story is proof that sewing really can help a person heal and put good vibes back out into the world! Best wishes for continued happiness!
Thanks for sharing your story. You are courageous and inspiring. Sending love your way. 🙂
Such a moving story and I’m glad you are finally finding happiness! Thank you for sharing! ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing. You’ve traveled some rocky roads for sure, but it sounds clear that you are on the path to a peaceful heart. xo
Wow! Thank you for sharing your story – so wonderful to read that the sewing community is so positive in real life as well as online 😁 good luck and enjoy your shorts 😃
I will admit to skimming over this series of posts because they aren’t my cup of tea, but this one…I had to read it through, and there were tears in my eyes at the end. Thank you for sharing, I hope this finds it’s way to other people who are at the same crossroads in their life. 🙂
This really is a very moving story. I am.so happy for you that you have found a way to battle and conquer your demons! Sending good vibes and lots of love!
(((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))) I joined a cult and was in for 2 years in my early 40s. So I understand some of your feelings. The self doubt is a killer. I had good friends work on pulling me out. You had a much harder go to leave. I think you are totally amazing! You were raised in a cult and left. Had I been in that long I don’t know if I could have done it! You are in my thoughts and prayers. You should be looked up to because you did something so courageous. You are a shining example of overcoming adversity! Thank You for sharing your story. People don’t understand how easy it is to be pulled into a cult.
So happy to hear you are feeling more confident as yourself. Thank you for sharing here!
Brava! My sewing room is my total escape and it is nice to see that it has become yours too.
Congrats to you!!!!! Taking your life back isn’t easy. People who sew are the best.
Thank you so much for sharing such a difficult journey. I am so glad you have found a happy place and so glad sewing has helped you. Sewing helps me in my life and I love the community it brings. Here is to many more happy years for you and your family!
Well done for finding a way through, it isn’t easy but you have. You are a strong woman and a generous kind one, and how marvellous that you are able to share skills that empower others.
Thank you for sharing! Such a moving story, so very glad you have found peace! My own sewing journey had the roots in meeting a giving and gifted teacher. The community had a positive impact on you, but you, as a loving teacher, can have a massive influence on your students too. It’s a virtuous circle and aren’t we all lucky to be part of it! Good vibes and best wishes! ❤️
It’s very brave getting out of that community, and brave that you told the story.
I’m glad to hear you’re getting more peace, happiness and friendships as time goes by and hope that continues.
Wish you all the best!
I was stunned to read your story of rediscovering your inner peace, self-love and kindness towards your own self through spreading the love of sewing through teaching. It took a humongous amount of courage to leave the cult and courage to battle all those self doubts. Thanks for sharing.
I’m moved to tears. I am so proud of you!
How brave you and your family are – I hope the process of writing and sharing your story gives you some enclosure, but I can imagine it will take years. All the very best!
I meant closure, 😑!
Sometimes there are no words. Please accept this virtual hug.
Actually, as a fellow Mama, I do have words. You and your husband have given your sons a tremendous gift. And the rest of us a gift in children who will become adults who know the value of acting on your convictions, even when it’s unbelievably hard. Thank you.
What an awesome story. Thank you sew much for sharing. I was very moved. May you be blessed as you and your family move forward with your lives. I wish I could give you a great big hug.
Congratulations to you and your husband on having the courage to move away from the cult and to move forward as a family. Congratulations too on getting work teaching sewing – how rewarding to see your students progress and to see their skills develop through your help. I wish you and your family every happiness and success as you continue to move forwards
You are so brave for sharing and it just shows the power that creativity has. Hoping your journey continues to go up and up and you and your family can continue to establish your identity. Best wishes. xx
Your’s is such a moving story but so very positive. Your brave actions, the strength of your family and the friendships you are creating through sewing are fantastic. I hope that you and your family continue to go from strength-to-strength. Sending very best regards to you all. Xx
Such a moving story, and you’ve been courageous to share it. I can’t imagine what you went through, but I can see the damage that was done; and I can see how much healing has occurred already through your involvement with the sewing community. Wishing you continued healing, and that you always see yourself through the loving eyes of your family and your students.
I cannot conceive of the courage it took for you and your family to take such a huge leap into the unknown. I am in awe of your bravery to do so. I am thankful that you have found a new life that brings you such peace and joy, and that you are healing your soul within the love of your family and community. Long may it continue.
Thank you for sharing! This is a beautiful story of self-discovery. Best of luck to you and your family.
Quite a story indeed; thank you for sharing! So glad you could find healing and friendship in such an accepting community, and best wishes that all the positivity and growth continues for you and your family!
Such a wonderful post 🙂 thank you so much for sharing something so personal with the rest of us.
Thank you for sharing +sending love to you and your family!
Thank you SO much for bravely sharing pieces of your story. I find it amazing how something “as simple as” sewing has the power to build community, self acceptance and self awareness. Go you!
A thousand thank yous for sharing your story! It is so inspiring to read and I love that the sewing community could be a place of peace and acceptance for you. Wishing you all the best moving forward!!
Thank you for telling your story. Please know your experience is understood on a very personal level. Continued happiness to you and your family.
[…] How I Found Me Again (this anonymous post is about how sewing helped the author regain her identity after leaving a religious cult) […]
I love your story! I shared it on my facebook
I love your story. The story resonates for a person who has escaped from any kind of abusive relationship. Thank you for sharing your experience XOXOXO
You and your husband are very courageous. Not only did you break free but, you are also giving back by your teaching. I hope that you keep making friends and continue in your positive direction.
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